50 Best Funny Beer Quotes of All Time

Whether unwinding after a tiring long day or just simply having good times with friends, there’s nothing better than cracking open an icy cold beer. Throughout history people has been drinking beer to relax, to feel less shy or to take the mind off of the troubles.  

No wonder beer  has become one of the most favored potent potable throughout history. People have also begun talking and writing about beer. It seems that almost everyone who had ice-cold beer has something to say about it, hence, awesome beer quotes were created. Here are some of the best beer quotes we’ve compiled.

There’s something sexy about a gut. Not a 400-pound beer gut, but a little paunch. I love that.  ~Sandra Bullock

I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male – or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you’ll see what I mean.  ~Kurt Cobain

Europeans are much more serious than we are in America because they think that a good place to discuss intellectual matters is a beer party.  ~Richard P. Feynman

Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.  ~Gilbert K. Chesterton

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.  ~Ron White

I’m an old-fashioned guy… I want to be an old man with a beer belly sitting on a porch, looking at a lake or something.  ~Johnny Depp

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.  ~Jay Leno

I’m not a great beer drinker, but I do like Butcombe, probably because it’s made of good Somerset water.  ~Jacob Rees-Mogg

If I went on vacation, I’d rather go camping than stay in some four-star hotel… My friends treat me the same at home. They just want to sit down with you and have a beer.  ~Travis Fimmel

When I get a chance to play golf or go on a boat with good people, take the boat out and put some lobsters on the grill, get the ice-cold beer and the cigars – that’s heaven here on earth. ~Bernie Mac

I’m more of a guy’s girl. I like having a beer in a bar, and I don’t bicker or sit down and do my nails.  ~Zoe Saldana

I don’t want to be treated like I came from another planet or something or was somehow born with some weird birthright or super power. I don’t view myself that way. I am a normal guy, picking up the crap from the dog and scraping the BBQ and having a beer and fixing the shed out back.  ~Chris Hadfield

I just want to tailgate, drink beer, and hang out in the middle of nowhere in a pick-up truck. That’s my ideal date.  ~Ronda Rousey

Making new petroleum should be as simple and straightforward as brewing beer.  ~George M. Church

What I like about playing America is you can be pretty sure you’re not going to get hit with a full can of beer when you’re singing and I really enjoy that!  ~Joe Strummer

I could take a cemetery and make all the tombstones beer companies. There’s a lot of craft beers that came and went. A lot of them.  ~Jon Taffer

I’ve read that the ancient Chinese art of feng shui can bring a sense of peace, well-being, and positive energy to a home – same as beer.  ~W. Bruce Cameron

I’m gaining weight the right way: I’m drinking beer.  ~Johnny Damon

Had an awesome time. You tell me to show up and all I have to do is drink beer, play guitar all day and I can lift weights and you’re going to pay me for this! ~Zakk Wylde

Rugby is great. The players don’t wear helmets or padding; they just beat the living daylights out of each other and then go for a beer. I love that.  ~Joe Theismann

Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition, men have at all times, and in all countries, called in some physical aid to their moral consolations – wine, beer, opium, brandy, or tobacco.  ~ Edmund Burke

My parents would read those books to me as well but they used to make me starving when I was a kid because they were always eating ham sandwiches with the crusts off and drinking ginger beer. ~ Mike Myers

I wasn’t really an alcoholic, but I was losing control. I still go for a beer, but I drink a lot less. ~ John Denver

In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer – the wealth, prestige and grandeur that went with the power. ~ A. J. P. Taylor

The life of an actor is not filled with limousines and talk-show interviews. I’ve moved crates of beer; I’ve been a bartender, personal assistant, butler. But all those skills have helped me in the business aspect of what I do. ~ Vincent Rodriguez III

My first time overseas was taking 10,000 tons of beer to Vietnam. ~ John F. Kelly

Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it’s hard to stop drinking beer.  ~ Billy Carter

There is no such thing as a bad beer. It’s that some taste better than others.  ~Billy Carter

I’ve been brewing my own beer with this ex-army bloke. ~ Bob Mortimer

You know I love pot, and I love beer, but I am totally sober, just because it completely stopped working for me.  ~ Anthony Kiedis

I’m just worried that there’s enough beer on the bus. That’s the top priority at all times. Zakk Wylde

My goal is to hit the gym every day I’m on vacation. Usually I just end up sleeping and drinking beer.  ~ Gary Allan

Sitting on a plastic chair at night listening to the sea lapping below while sipping a cold beer is about as good as life gets. ~ Sandi Toksvig

I didn’t think I could go onstage and play unless I had a beer to loosen up. Well, if it was only one beer to loosen up, I’d probably still be drinking today. ~ Joe Perry

Whiskey’s to tough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer.  ~ Tom T. Hall

What was the first name of the Houston club? It wasn’t the Astros. It was the Colt .45s. A lot of guys now will say Colt 45 is a beer. But it was also a pistol, and it went right with Texas.  ~ Pat Gillick

I drank beer, and I had a career year. ~ David Wells

Give a man a beer, waste an hour. Teach a man to brew, and waste a lifetime! ~ Bill Owen

The average billboard has no more than eight words. It takes a lot of effort to make a beer, rice, or shampoo seem special in eight words. ~ David Droga

People always ask us, ‘Hey, is there going to be a ‘Beerfest 2′?’ I don’t know if I have another beer joke in me.  ~ Jay Chandrasekhar

When we show up in a city, we ask, ‘Where’s the best restaurant? What’s the best beer?’ You start doing that, and you get exposed to a lot of great stuff.  ~ Isaac Hanson

Swaying to new beats, hearing old favorites, and drinking expensive beer are ageless pastimes.  ~ Julia Hartz

Will I still get a slice of pizza? Will I drink a beer or two? Absolutely. You still have to live, but I try to do things in moderation.  ~ Adam Vinatieri

There’s nothing better than a cold beer. ~ Kelvin Fletcher

We will all look back on the Trump presidency as reporters one day over a beer, and say, we were there, we covered it all, and what a trip it was! ~ Martha MacCallum

It’s very British of me, but I’ll always choose beer over anything else.  ~ Francesca Hayward

At my house, I have a wine and beer fridge. It’s got everything. The beer is at 38 degrees, and the wine is at 50 degrees. We take it seriously, but I’m actually not that big of a drinker. ~ Molly Qerim

All I can really tell you about my father is that he did odd things like put tin foil on a bottle of beer after having a few sips, then put it in the refrigerator to perhaps have on another night. ~ Bruce Eric Kaplan

I’d loved to wear jeans and t-shirts, but everybody was in the peace movement back then. And that was my ploy. I had to be careful not to say things like ‘I like meat.’ Actually I just wanted to drink beer and to screw. ~ Ed O’Neill

I love coming to New York. I think I’m going to come really often here. I need to – for the show, for the comedy. I want to do the shows here and have a beer and hang out with the comedians.  ~ Gad Elmaleh

There you’ve got it our great beer quotes of all time! Do you have any sayings about beer you’d like to share? Or an unforgettable experience with friends while having a bottle of beer? Share it with us.